Dark Hero Product Testing

I wrote this post in 2009 for Sidhe Vicious Reviews shortly after I released RAVENOUS. The original post is here. It remains one of my favourites, so for a Friday Flashback, I’m running it one more time! It’s still a good answer to one of the perennial questions authors get from readers:

Where do authors get their characters from?

Always a good question. When I needed to choose my hero for RAVENOUS, I perused the Author Supplies Emporium catalogue very carefully. What should he be like?  I flipped through the Romantic Tycoons, the Sexy Cops, and the Hard Hat Hunks. I wanted just the right guy for my book:  definitely an alpha hero, but not one of the overly pushy types. He’d have to be heavy-duty enough to like smushing villains, because I had a lot of action planned. There was no getting away with the affordable but flimsy Comic Lite products.

Picking the right model took time. My favourite heroes may be a little twisted as well as dark, but there’s always some line they won’t cross, and it’s that restraint that divides these edgier heroes from the villains. Still, a little envelope-pushing keeps things interesting. For me, the best kind of dark hero has to earn his way into the light, and the price he pays for his happy ever after is high. This kind of hero doesn’t stumble into love and flop down on the couch. He has to earn it, and it takes a strong heroine to stand up to him.

When I found the model I wanted, I placed my order, being careful to select the “sense of humour,” “fully operational brain,” and “redeemable soul” options.

I was so happy when my order arrived!  Unlike most true life heroes, mine came with instructions:

Hello, and welcome to your new Dark Hero, Vampire Edition 3.2!  Warranty provisions require that you follow these instructions for safety and for optimal customer satisfaction:

1.  This unit may be damaged if left for long periods in direct sunlight.

2.  This Hero unit may be cleaned using products designed for dark wash.  Do not bleach. Dry flat. Cool iron only.

3.  Your Dark Hero, Vampire Edition is intended for nighttime use only. Recharge daily.

4.  Use of the unit during the “brood” cycle is not recommended.

5.  If unit begins to watch Underworld repeatedly, remind him that he wears leather way better than Kate Beckinsale. This should reset unit to “arrogant” mode.

6.  It is not recommended that unit operate heavy equipment during full moon.

7.  This unit is not designed for domestic use. For daily household tasks, we recommend the Dark Hero, Djinn Slave 4.0

5.  If you wish to disassemble unit, use stake provided.

By way of product review, the Dark Hero, V.E. 3.2 worked a treat. I have to admit, though, I’m curious about the 3.3 upgraded “green” model. The solar rechargeable batteries might present some issues.