Ten ways to know if you’ve read too much PNR

1. You’re vaguely disappointed when your date has a tan
2. Staking your roses takes on a whole new meaning
3. You know the moon phases the way others know what’s on TV
4. You scream when you catch your kid with foamy toothpaste mouth
5. You wonder which of your classmates discovered the New World
6. You can’t bring yourself to buy silver jewelry
7. You only drink merlot
8. You worry about the guy who lives in the basement apartment and works nights
9. You fantasize about the guy who lives in the basement apartment and works nights
10. A story with strictly human characters seems . . . just wrong.