December 26, 2019 • No Comments
In answer to the age-old question, authors DO have their sources for characters. I get mine through mail order.
I’ve owned the Dark Hero, Vampire Edition 3.2, for a few years now. He came in a box, all minty fresh with that new hero gleam in his eye. Of course there were limitations. Dark wash only. Do not leave in direct sunlight. I had to get a separate unit, the Djinn Slave 4.0, for household use. However, I have to say I have been a fully satisfied customer.
Of course, all equipment subjected to heavy use eventually needs replacement—and believe me, the 3.2 saw a lot of action since he came out of the carton. He’s held up well, but his cape is getting a bit threadbare and the poor dear gets stuck in the brood cycle more often than is good for him. I’ve had to call the manufacturer’s help desk to unlock the “furrowed brow” setting three times now. So, when I was browsing through the catalogue to see if their new line of minotaur was available yet, my attention was caught by a coupon offer for the JingleVamp Special Edition.
I confess, the notion of a vampire with a “ho, ho, ho” plug-in was vaguely disturbing. I wasn’t sure about the reindeer antlers, either, but I figured what the heck. It would make a change from the usual sort of holiday decoration. So, I placed an order.
The thing I didn’t realize was that, unlike the full-priced Dark Heroes, JingleVamp came unassembled and that the instructions were in the non-language universal to children’s toys and cheap furniture. Soon my living room floor was covered in an explosion of sardonic laughs, sultry glances, and sparkly white fangs as I unpacked and sorted and tried to make sense of the diagrams. Fortunately, there was more information enclosed in a separate envelope:
Hello, and welcome to your new JingleVamp! Here are a few pointers to make sure you fully enjoy your new purchase:
- Note JingleVamp must be rebooted when changing “naughty” and “nice” settings.
- When recharging, do not plug JingleVamp into the same circuit as your Christmas tree. Spontaneous carolling may result, overriding your Dark Hero’s patented Sinister Velvet® laugh cycle.
- Exercise caution when using JingleVamp near pine boughs, holly sprigs, pine trees, or other pointy wooden objects.
- JingleVamp may consume eggnog while set to “party animal.” Caution: Glassware recommended. Paper cartons will leak if bitten.
- Do not engage JingleVamp in reindeer games without permission of local wildlife authorities.
- Your JingleVamp will not pull a sleigh, no matter how nicely you ask.
- Note that Dark Hero units cannot be set to “shopping” mode prior to noon, December 24. “Wrap” mode defaults to intermittent setting. “Write cards” mode is automatically disabled. Contact manufacturer for override instructions.
- Shopping list plug-in sold separately. Unit is supplied with only “black negligee” and “toaster” options.
- If you wish to disassemble unit, use stake provided.
Thank you for purchasing the JingleVamp Special Edition! We hope you enjoy your new Dark Hero’s version of Christmas Cheer.
Merry Fangmas to All!
December 6, 2018 • No Comments
Who doesn’t like a playlist of holiday favorites? Whether you’re rocking around the Yuletide tree or mixing punch in your festive cauldron, no party is complete without a soundtrack of traditional and contemporary tunes. We consulted with the good folks over at CSUP—the station that puts super in supernatural—to get their most-requested numbers for the season.
Here we go with the countdown:
- God Rest Ye Hairy Gentlemen
- Silent Night, Howly Night
- Here Comes Santa Claws
- Jingle Hells
- We Three Kings Disoriented Are (aka the mummy song)
- O Come, All Ye Fateful
- The Little Dragon Boy
- It Came Upon a Midnight Drear
- What Child is This? (Theme from The Gingerbread House in the Woods)
- The First Nom Nom (the werewolf did say)
For those of you planning a sing-a-long this season, drop by the station for song sheets and a hot drink between now and New Year’s Day. Our doors are always open! As for whether you ever leave again, your mileage may vary.
December 5, 2018 • No Comments
Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without the truck parade that passes at the end of my street. It gets a little longer each time, a few more of the growling monsters donning antlers and lights and transforming into glittering wonders for the crowd. I love the ridiculous, joyful, contrariness of it all. I love that these big dirty workhorses can be the belles of the ball once a year, and that hundreds stand in the cold to cheer them on.
December 3, 2018 • 1 Comment
Christmas shopping can be challenging at the best of times, but the non-humans on the list can present special problems. Need ideas for what to get the vampire with centuries of clutter in his garage or the mermaid who needs everything waterproofed? Here are some suggestions from our retail experts:
- Get that vampire a month’s rental on a storage locker big enough to house his spare coffin collection!
- For the shifters we suggest many, many lint rollers or a rechargeable hand vacuum!
- For the fussy feline shifters, how about modern art that doubles as a scratching post?
- As a stocking stuffer, nothing beats fake human teeth for the vampires!
- A definite must have: non-toxic chew toys for the werepuppies.
- Environmentally friendly dry cleaning options for the mummies on your list.
- A personal crossroad for that special demon. Top seller: something on Route 666.
- High-strength spray adhesive is a thoughtful present for those zombies who just can’t keep it together.
Just remember, whatever you choose, it’s the thought that counts—or possibly the deliciously fresh brains that just manufactured that thought …