June 18, 2009 • 1 Comment
Want your calling card to stand out from your competitors’? Today’s bizarre product is business cards made from beef jerky. Check it out at http://www.meatcards.com/
According to their web site:
We start with 100% beef jerky, and SEAR your contact information into it with a 150 WATT CO2 LASER.
Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
Okay, but what exactly does this say about your business? You’re beefy? You’re jerky? You’re tough and chewy, but lightly spiced? You’re covered in pocket lint and leave grease stains?
On the other hand, you can brand your business while your stationery is still on the hoof.
June 17, 2009 • No Comments
Okay, so I’m far from the most up-to-date about what’s upcoming on TV, so this is quite out of date–that is, from last January. However, this tickled my fancy enough that I thought it worth a mention. I came across the mention of a new series being developed on Fox by Michael Dougherty. It sounds like Sex and the City but with werewolves, and it’s called Bitches. Basically, four gals seducing and subsequently munching their way through the NYC dating scene.
I so want to write for this show.
Anyway, according to what I read, this gem is in the hopper for script development. What that means for us viewing audience couch potatoes, I dunno. I think there are about 10,000 opportunities for new shows to die on the vine. Given that the articles I read were already six months old, that might have already happened, but I hope not. This sounds way too funny.
June 15, 2009 • No Comments
Last week I put my head down and thought–fine, I’ll work non-stop and get through as much icky stuff as I can. No day job, no housekeeping, no errands, just computer time on those due-date have-to items hanging over my head.
The results are in. I accomplished: one set copy edits for SCORCHED, one set teaser pages, one essay for an anthology, and one homework assignment. Bonus amount of homework reading. Deadlines met; obligations fulfilled.
I lived to fight another day. Back to work this morning to shovel paper off my desk.
June 8, 2009 • No Comments
I haven’t been doing a lot of blogging outside of my weekly Silk and Shadows gig because I encountered a black hole. This basically means that the gods snicker, make everything in your life time-sensitive and equally urgent and more than you can possibly handle, and leave you to it. Unfortunately, that much pressure tends to send me into hiding. I have a high threshold for business, but I seem to be hell-bent on figuring out where the outside extremes of tolerance are.
Mission accomplished. I found ‘em.
I’m off work this week with a schedule tacked to the fridge with what I’m supposed to accomplish each day. Am I keeping up? About two-thirds’ worth, but I wisely built in a catch-up day next Saturday. Welcome to my summer holidays.
If I meet all my deadlines, I’m going to think up a major reward.
May 11, 2009 • No Comments
Who doesn’t like dinosaurs? I was very into them when I was about six or seven and never quite lot the appetite for learning more about our giant lizard friends.
This Mother’s Day I took my mom (an inveterate nature show buff) to Walking with Dinosaurs, a live show based on the BBC palaeontology series. They held it in the local sports arena. The basic plot is a walk through prehistory, complete with life-sized animatronic (and some human-occupied) dinos. It was very loud, the critters were very big, and it was altogether very impressive. My brain had trouble processing the size of the dinos. The emcee came up to their ankles.
The show’s web site gives a good sense of what it’s like: http://www.dinosaurlive.com/
Although I was well aware these were puppets, they were realistic enough to let myself sink into the experience a bit. I enjoyed the junior high science component fine, but equally interesting were the mechanics involved in wrangling the critters. There was a fleet of semis lined up outside the arena.
There were plenty of dads with kids, no doubt making a Mother’s Day present of their absence. Some of the kids were really little, and I would have thought the whole thing too scary for them. However, once in the parking lot, there were plenty of three-foot-tall T-rexes roaring about the parking lot, so I guess that was all good.
For me, this of course was writing research, maybe on dragons. All very serious stuff. I did feel a bit left out when I realized there were stuffed triceratops for sale, but I was too late to get one. Phooey.
May 8, 2009 • 2 Comments
My tabby cat has never been Ms. Adventurous, especially since the Demon Lord of Kitty Badness hit town. The bedroom is her domain and, frankly, that’s where she prefers to stay, away from the Demon Lord chaos.
Ergo, for want of exercise she has come to resemble one of the pillows. Or a bowling ball. Bowling balls aren’t great at grooming their hindquarters. We seem to get along with garden-variety brushing for about eleven months and then poof, she’s covered in mats from the hips back.
Happily for all the furry bowling balls out there, Groomer2Go comes to the rescue–directly to my door. Yeah, it’s a titch more cash than a visit to the beauty parlour, but it saves on wear and tear for all concerned. Getting my girl into a carrier gives a whole new meaning to Octopussy.
Of course, the grooming fairy insists I put the cat in a half-nelson and hold her down on the mat for the shaving procedure. Cue the sound effects, calculated to strike terror into our hearts: “Mmmmrrroooowwwowowwoowwwowwww!”
Groomer and I fall into a fit of the giggles. Not the intended effect.
I don’t blame the cat for objecting, since we are giving her private parts a buzz cut. The effect is a bit like a rear-end Mohawk. After twenty torturous minutes, in which I am bitten, peed on, and sworn at in cat, the ordeal is over. I tip the groomer in big-time apology. Tabby lost dignity and enough hair to knit another kitten. I lost flesh. Thank the great feline goddess that’s over with for another year.
Then I fed my girl and she purred and cuddled. I guess getting all those lumps out of her coat counts for something.
May 5, 2009 • No Comments
I just spent the last three days sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop going over the editor’s comments on SCORCHED. I have fryball-eyeballs and the kind of sluggishness that only 72 hours of almost complete immobility can produce. But I got it done.
One could point out that a reasonable person wouldn’t cram so much into such a short space of time. I actually did this intentionally. Connecting all the dots in a book sometimes requires the total immersion method. In order to make sure the logic works, you need to hold the whole book in your head at once.
I did notice some essential differences between RAVENOUS and SCORCHED. This next book is seriously rooted in fairy tale. I didn’t start out that way, but the heroine kept pulling me in that direction. And we are talking about a Castle. And a rescue. And a curse. And really, once you start down that road, there’s no turning back.
May 1, 2009 • No Comments
Oh, good grief. I got my newsletter out last night but totally messed up one of the links. The correct link to sign up for my loop is here
This discussion loop, or focus group, is for those who want to hang out and talk writing, books, practical stuff, what the cat did, etc. This is new, so I don’t know how it’s going to go. What I have in mind is fairly fluid. I’m happy to talk about writing. I’ll probably ask opinions on things like the newsletter, goody bag inserts, what books readers are enjoying, and so on. And, of course, book talk.
Sadly, gave the wrong address in the newsletter. Which is a bit like inviting people to a party and pointing them to a different street. No wonder no one ever calls me to organize a wedding!
Yeah, it’s been an interesting couple of weeks in an “if it’s not one thing, then it’s another” kind of way. I’ve fallen behind in just about everything again, which then sends me into the avoidance spiral. In my defence, I had a nasty cold for about a week, but that’s thankfully on the way out. All I could do for several days was be grumpy.
Some of the grumps were with cause: I’m enrolled in the last course of a day-job educational program I’ve been working on for six years. I’m sticking it out because it’s the end, but I’m kicking and screaming inside every time I open the textbook. Not just because I really don’t care about the minutiae of the Income Tax Act (it doesn’t apply to my job anyway) but the course is badly designed and the tutor completely uninterested in doing more than the bare minimum of marking. I actually asked for extra problems to work through to make sure I understood the material and was shrugged off. This has got to be penance for something.
Besides, I’m into my next manuscript and really want to spend my time there instead. I have book 3, book 2 edits, and another project all sitting up and begging for attention. SCORCHED should be through the revisions process (this should be about SCORCHED v. 2.3) this weekend. I’m excited because I think I have the final finishing touches in mind. It just needs that last little push to be complete.
April 16, 2009 • No Comments
Heroes: Definitely a matter of taste, but there are certain essentials: generous size, just the right amount of fillings, nicely toasted buns. But it’s not just the, um, pastrami that counts.
In keeping with most readers, I have strong and unapologetic opinions about what a hero should be like. For starters, I don’t have much patience with the über alpha knuckle-dragger who mows through a story muttering MINE MINE MINE and marking his territory, incl. the heroine, like a Tom cat with urinary issues. (Anyone remember Red Dwarf?)
I like a manly man, but one who actually likes the fact that the heroine is her own person. Sure, he can untie her from the train tracks and sweep her away to a mountaintop chalet for a solid week of mind-blowing sex …that’s all part of the fun…but if two characters are the missing halves of each other seeking a zen-like balance, neither one can be completely in charge all the time.
But he can’t be too perfect, either. Realistic characters don’t have everything figured out on page one. For there to be growth, for hero to fall in love and, y’know, to have a plot, there’s probably stuff he needs to learn. And, if the hero is still searching for the ultimate designer wardrobe, weaponry, or the meaning of life, the heroine has something substantial to offer him. Advice. Comfort. Padded hangers. Whatever.
And he might not realize right away what a wonderful gift he’s been given, because a good protagonist usually screws up at least once. We bond with them because of their mistakes. Who doesn’t love a hero all the more when he finally sees the light and set out to make things right? It’s their struggle to be better that gives the reader courage and hope.
Speaking of bonding … I love the latest Bond incarnation, because—even though he’s, like, Bond—he gets dirty, hurt, grumpy and doesn’t always have the right answer. I can believe he walks the earth (and please give me his address).
So, for all you dark heroes taking notes, a few miscellaneous tips:
• Don’t sniff your date, even if you are a werewolf. It sends the wrong message.
• Allow your date to set the pace of courtship. Just because she’s your destined mate doesn’t mean she won’t get a restraining order.
• Don’t brag about your wardrobe, limitless personal fortune, or private army. It makes us want to poke you in the eye.
• Don’t claw the furniture, bedsheets, chew on the carpet, or shed. Shift in the back yard, for pity’s sake.
• If you’re Undead, let your new girl know early in the relationship. Corpse Surprise on the morning after can put chill a promising friendship, not to mention your lover’s feet.
• Most important, consult a professional hairdresser for a good shampoo. All that black clothing has its challenges.
April 11, 2009 • 2 Comments
Ran across this story a couple of days ago:
This is extremely cool and no, it doesn’t require hooking the undead into a wall socket.
Researchers at the University of British Columbia have developed a fuel cell that feeds on human blood. While this sounds utterly gross, it has wonderful uses for things like pacemakers, which currently require surgical battery replacement. Basically, pop one of these babies in, and you’re good to go as long as there’s blood in your veins.
This fuel cell runs on the natural sugars in the blood. Yeast feeds on the blood sugars and creates electricity.
My question is, what happens if you eat a whole box of apple fritters? Do you give yourself a shock?