Wretched furbles

Sharon Ashwood
February 22, 2009  •  No Comments

Okay. I know cats can’t read. They’re cats, not people.

However, don’t you think it’s strange that the Demon Lord of Kitty Badness, who has never, ever bothered a book before just poked fangmarks all over the BORROWED copy of Dogs and Goddesses? (couldn’t do it to a book I owned, nooooooo–well, I guess I own it now!)

Apparently, in a house owned by cats, no other divinities need apply.

Food for thought

Sharon Ashwood
February 19, 2009  •  No Comments

Okay, so I had one of those unfortunate blurting moments the other day. I’d gone for lunch with a friend to an okay-but-not-upscale restaurant near work. I’d ordered a bagel and cream cheese, no sides, and coffee. It was a nice lunch, but when we got to the till to pay, my mouth engaged before my brain.

“Thirteen-fifty?” I exclaimed in a squeak. “For a bagel?” Okay, there was salmon involved, but still. That bagel wasn’t even toasted.

Nevertheless, I could have handled it much more diplomatic fashion. It wasn’t the server’s fault the place was engaged in highway robbery, but I was so startled I reacted without thinking.

But my problems could have been much worse. Check this out:

Seems a businessman and five guests went to Milan’s Cracco restaurant and ordered the white truffles. When the $5,000+ bill arrived, he was so put out he refused to pay. That is a lot to pay for underground fungus but, like me, he should have checked the menu before committing to the meal.

Seems we high flyers have to watch out for those luxury foodstuffs these days.

Hotel Dracula – nice, but does it take Aeroplan?

Sharon Ashwood
February 18, 2009  •  No Comments

I’m blogging at www.FreshFiction.com on Thursday Feb 19, plus I have contests up there.

(x-post from www.SilkandShadows.com)

I can see my characters getting into vacations. My werewolves would do the whole extreme outdoorsy thing, Holly would want to go to a shopping mecca, and the vampires would opt for a tour of the Paris catacombs. Monsters need vacations as much as anyone else does, and one of the huge benefits of integration into human society would be freedom of movement—also known as the right to rack up humungous, over-inflated hotel bills and deal with snippy concierges.

Tour agencies catering to the bump-in-the-night crowd would soon spring up. Transylvania package tours (Visit the homeland! See where it all began!) would quickly outnumber the Mexican sun fun vacations. Specialized airline carriers (sun-proof windows, no flights during the full moon, in-flight catering best left unexplained) would rapidly emerge.

Yet there would surely be glitches. Dealing with the passport office is a challenge at the best of times. Imagine trying to provide proof of identity when you were a peasant born in a mud-floored hut back in the middle ages. Then there’s airport security. No one but an idiot would try packing a broadsword in carry-on, but what about the fangs and claws? Are werebeasts subject to classification and quarantine as live animal cargo, or will a rabies tag suffice? Can a witch only pack mini-potions that fit in those stupid baggies?

Then there’s the danger of layovers and delays, when vampires go from tourist to luggage. As the sun comes up, the airline officials walk the winding line-ups of disgruntled travellers, issuing complimentary body bags for the vamps and coffee for their human companions. Not a pretty sight.

Still, the world holds plenty of surprises and mysteries, even if you’re millennia old, and what’s the point of an extra-long life if you can’t explore? In a world where magic literally lives next door, there’d be even more to see. Of course, this new wave of tourism would bring consequences, including publicity and endorsement deals for The Loch Ness Monster and Ogopogo. They’ve already noticed Sasquatch has his own beer commercials.



So that was winter …

Sharon Ashwood
February 11, 2009  •  No Comments

First of all, another guest blog announcement – Thursday, Feb 12, I’m at  http://midnightmooncafe.blogspot.com/ and there will be another copy of RAVENOUS up for grabs.

I’ve finally managed to catch my breath.  I feel like I spent October/November racing for a book deadline, then there was snow storms and Christmas, then I spent January and up to last Saturday polishing off a course.  Last week was the exam plus the launch of RAVENOUS. Somewhere in there I changed agents. Life has been full.

One might ask why the heck I’ve been doing courses as well as writing and working full-time. Well, before I had any idea that I would actually get published, I was in a job I didn’t like much. There was an opportunity through my work to take upgrading on their dime. I grabbed the chance and started stuffing my head with finance courses.  I got a job I like much better, and I only have one more course to go before I get my certificate. It’s all good, except for the fact that going back to school–even part time–looks very different when one has been out in the real world for a while.

Rant warning:

I think the biggest thing I notice is how impatient I am. I want the facts, I want them now, and I want to know exactly what’s expected of me. I expect my tutors to be quick, courteous, and accurate. I want value for money, engaged instructors, and the means to make what I learn relevant to my job.

Apparently, I am dreaming. I don’t remember my old university being this sadly out to lunch, but this one is on a downhill slide. I’m doing correspondence, so the materials we’re provided are key to to the learning experience.  What started as a few typos in the answer key has degenerated to things like scrambled answers on the multiple-choice mid-term, references to audio-visual aids that simply aren’t there, and waiting up to a month for some basic assistance from the tutor. I’m starting to feel like I’m learning in spite of the course.

End rant.

Of course, sometimes what one learns has nothing to do with the class at hand. I recall a former music teacher who listened to my grumblings about how I was scrambling from  commitment to commitment. She said, quite calmly, “So you’re busy. That means you’re interested in things. After all, what else would you be doing with your life?”

I think about her a lot.

Just a bloggin’ fool

Sharon Ashwood
February 5, 2009  •  2 Comments

Today I’m over at To Be Read (http://toberead.wordpress.com/) and tomorrow at Yankee Romance Reviews (http://yankeeromancereviewers.blogspot.com/).  Copies of RAVENOUS are up for grabs, so come on down ….

More strange science

Sharon Ashwood
January 29, 2009  •  No Comments

Okay, so we’ve all seen Jurassic Park and know that no good can ever come of hatching dinosaur eggs.

 Nevertheless, like the nightie-clad heroine in a horror film, somebody just HAS to go into the dark basement of science and see what extinct critters they can conjure up out of archeological DNA.


 So, the exotic pet market can stay tuned. Want a woolly mammoth? There’s apparently a mammoth genome project with a genetic map on the way. I just hope they simultaneously recreate woolly mammoth food. I doubt our modern plants are quite the same.

 Not so much of a problem for the proposed saber-toothed tiger, who could have a tasty scientist to go if kitty kibble doesn’t turn his crank. Apparently lions are close enough relatives that one could serve as a surrogate mom.

 Speaking of which, one of us could be an incubator for a brand-new Neanderthal baby, though I’m not sure they’ll get a whole lot of volunteers. Some might even claim to already have a few teenaged models living in the basement.

 Other interesting possibilities include the short-faced bear (a third taller than a polar bear), the Tasmanian tiger (actually a marsupial), a glyptodon (armadillo as large as a car), a woolly rhino, the dodo, the giant ground sloth, the moa (ostrich-type bird), the gigantic Irish elk, the giant beaver (why?), and the gorilla. Yup, the gorilla’s populations have dwindled to the point that they’re collecting DNA just in case.

 There are problems with the quality of extant DNA and in finding suitable surrogate mothers. The odds aren’t great for successful resurrection in some cases, but the idea of seeing some of these beasts on the hoof is admittedly intriguing. Ethical questions aside, there’s a little kid inside that really, really wants to see a saber-toothed tiger. From a safe distance.

Novelists Inc.

Sharon Ashwood
January 20, 2009  •  No Comments

Today is my first time blogging at Novelists Inc.! The link is here: http://www.ninc.com/blog/index.php/archives/novels-more-than-clever and the topic is Novels: More than clever devices for trapping and holding house dust.

Please come visit!

The Demon Lord Speaks

Sharon Ashwood
January 13, 2009  •  No Comments

Check out the interview with the Demon Lord of Kitty Badness at the Chatty Cat Cafe here:  http://myblog.susannesaville.com/ and enter to win a copy of RAVENOUS

Back to–um–reality

Sharon Ashwood
January 12, 2009  •  No Comments

Okay, so the decorations are down, the new calendars up, the fridge cleaned out, and today was back to the day job. Here’s the holiday in review:

Most boring task over holidays:  cleaned closets and caught up on schoolwork.
Most time spent:  online sorting out book promotion and/or shovelling driveway
Best present:  Grind and brew coffeemaker from mom

Best unexpected treat:  Demon kitty consented to sleep in my lap
Worst moment:  Outlook going spazz and mailing multiple copies of newsletter
Best social:  New Year’s Eve
Best food discovery: olive tapenade
Main writing accomplishment:  drafted two book outlines
Main writing surprise:  one outline for a book I didn’t expect
Best read: Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
Biggest disappointment:  having $, going to the mall, and finding nothing to buy
Biggest relief: Car repair half of what I expected
Best warm fuzzy:  5-ribbon review from Romance Junkies

And let’s just say that back at work there was plenty to keep me from getting bored …

Holy New Year’s Resolution, Batman!

Sharon Ashwood
January 8, 2009  •  1 Comment

First of all, we have special guest Jessica Andersen at the Silk and Shadows blog today (www.SilkandShadows.com).  Drop by to leave a comment and you’ll be automatically entered for a prize in our weekly draw!

Second, I was cleaning up the mountains of paper in my personal batcave and discovered an article I’d saved:


The gist is that a University of Victoria professor, Paul Zehr, has written a book called The Possibility of a Superhero. Zehr is a prof of kinesiology and neuroscience. He’s examining the ability of the human body to achieve the kind of strength, agility, and endurance needed to do the caped crusader schtick. Batman doesn’t have superpowers per se (just lots of R&D cash), so it would be theoretically possible to pull off the things he does. Of course, one’s body would wear out very quickly, just like a pro athlete’s.

Interesting stuff, but I’d be happy if I could just make it to the gym on a regular basis! Instead, I’m drinking coffee and watching the rain.