The Demon Lord of Kitty Badness Speaks
Superiority—by which I mean being feline—is a burden. For one thing, I’m obligated to observe the staff struggling with meaningless day-to-day activities while my needs go unmet. Case in point: the Human Entity plays on the keyboard while my food bowl has been empty for FIVE ENTIRE MINUTES.
Nevertheless, I am a compassionate lord. I assist with the keyboard, mostly by blocking it from view. I can do this with the television also.
There are times I wonder how many great works of literature have been assisted by kindly efforts such as these. Humans owe so much to their protectors. In fact, I see a paper product stalking the house. I will immediately stalk it through the hallways, ripping shreds from its hide until there is nothing left but softly quilted entrails, which the Human Entity then collects while cursing like the peasant she is.
It is sad to lead such a life as mine, wherein the most heartfelt service is cuttingly ignored. Pity my wounded yet noble spirit.
Until later, my treasured devotees.